Hello, My Name Is Stephanie

Scammed!

Today has been a real scammy day. 

There is something really disheartening when you realize that you are being scammed.  It's really a punch to your system, why me and why am I not smart enough to figure it out the first time.

Don't fret too much because in the end I haven't lost anything, except maybe my pride and self-assurance. 

Scam #1: 

Man comes to the door and says he'd like to talk to me about my Hydro bill.  He says he would like to see that I'm getting the provincial discount that I'm entitled to.  He shows me a Hydro bill and there is an item there clearly labelled "provincial discount".  I am reluctant to show him a bill, but he insists - I ask what he's selling and he says, oh he's not selling anything he is just here on behalf of Hydro and Enbridge to see that I'm getting billed correctly - or something to that affect - I am not so sure since I'm distracted by Maddy and he speaks fast with a thick accent.  But I think that Bell & Rogers always subcontract to third parties so it must be something like that - I show him an old bill and he says that it looks like I am not getting a discount, but it's hard to tell would I like someone from customer service to call me to explain what all this is (he's unable to answer my questions, but assures me that someone from customer service will be able to). I say, Ok and give him my number.  He says I need to sign here to agree to get a call from customer service (again, believable to have to sign to agree to have someone call) I was a bit hesitant but he shows me a stack of other signed papers and says there is no obligation. 

He hands me some literature and leaves.  I look at the literature and I haven't signed any agreement to be contacted for further information - it's an actual contract with a company (up until this time he never gave me the company's name, nor carry it anywhere on him, although he did carry a lot of papers with Enbridge and Hydro Brampton on him).  Not only is it a 5 yr contract with a fixed rate, he's written down my hydro account number and I surely did not give him permission to do that.  The literature he gives me is not information but a welcome to Summitt Energy...Oh man, I've been SCAMMED!

Luckily he is only a few doors down when I go to call him back.  I said, I agreed to have your company call me but I did not agree to have any services - this contract is for a 5 year contract, it clearly says that it will lock in a rate on my bill - nothing about calling for more information.  He denies that this is true and says that it's not any sort of contract.  I said well, I did not give you permission to write down my account number, so I would like to remove it.  I took a pen and scribbled it out.  He said, oh you don't have to do that because we already have access to your account number in our records.  He then ripped up the contract and handed it back to me, but before he did that, he removed and kept the bottom part with his ID number and name. 

I did call Summitt Energy and reported him, and they did say they'd take action for misrepresenting their product.  Although I don't have much hope they'll do anything really.  I did some research on the internet and found out that the service they provide is not technically illegal, they do a lot of fishy things to get people to agree to contracts and it's difficult to weasel out of them.  They have been forced to call you within 10 days of signing the contract to allow you to opt out, but I say if you don't know you've signed a contract and you don't know what it's for, how can you be sure to say no?  Apparently any affirmative answer will be taken as a "yes". 

This door to door guy took advantage of the fact that I was dealing with a squirmy 13 month old to write down my account info without me even noticing he was doing it.  it was really skeevy.  The info online was at least 2 years old and focused on Stouffville, so I sent an email to a writer on the local paper - maybe the Guardian can put something out to warn people that these folks are working Brampton - I consider myself pretty savvy but I don't know how someone who has english as a second language will handle this kind of sell.  The fellow had quite a stack of signed forms in his book.  I don't know if they were faked or real. 

Scam #2

The second scam is a bit more worrisome. 

So, we are renting this house in Brampton and we pay next to nothing.  The owner is a reluctant landlord and uses a realtor office to do the legwork.  Since we moved in we've had a lot of trouble - mostly electrical, the electrical is very old and wonky, I waited three weeks for a fix to come last year and the electrician took over two weeks to do the job - he said the electrical needs to be replaced because to do the fix up work would take too long and it would just blow again. But the owner didn't want to pay the extra to get it done right, and he did the surface work and sure enough about three months ago the electricity blew in the kitchen - maybe more like 4 months.  So we only have one outlet that works, which is the stove outlet and we have an extension cord that we run all the appliances off of - Microwave, kettle, coffee maker, toaster, blender...well, there's a lot of potential small appliances in a kitchen. 

We've been trying to get them to fix that for months.  They think the electrician should fix it for free.  He says no.  They say it's our fault, somehow.  In the middle of this, the water tank breaks and starts leaking all over the basement, ruining some things we had in storage, making the basement unlivable for about two weeks.  They demand to see the water tank and the three inches of water before they agree to fix it.  It was the weekend that we had Casey stay with us, so they had a fit about the dogs being here.  But they agree to fix it, and they say they will follow up with the electrician.  That was about 6-8 weeks ago.

In May we passed our one year agreement and we didn't get a lease renewal form.  They said they forgot.  They come back and said that they'd like to raise the rent.  We say, ok, raise the rent the maximum but we've been pretty easy on you for fixes like the electricity and some other broken things (like a broken range that should be replaced).  If you insist on raising our rent, we'll be a bit more adamant on seeing things fixed in a timely and complete manner.  They tried bringing up that we have a dog that was not agreed to, but we said it's on the lease (and it is).  Besides, you cannot discriminate against pets unless there is a complaint. 

The realtor comes back and says the owner has decided not to increase the rent, but to put the house on the market, since she can't possibly cover her mortgage with the low rent we pay.  Like it's our fault she is overpaying her mortgage.  Anyways, they are going to list the house and the realtor will be there on Tuesday to take pictures.  Ok, we tidy up the place a bit, but we are not really concerned because we can't believe the owner will be able to sell this place - it's in bad shape.  Maybe she'll sell it to someone who can flip it.

The realtor never shows up.  But lists the place anyways, promises that she is working on getting us an electrician and will give us 24 hr notice of any showing.  The listing is up on MLS, but for a very high amount, higher than the original price that she could not sell it for.  And no pictures.  

Last night I get a call that someone is coming for showing the next morning.  Less than 24 hours, so we spend several hours cleaning (after everyone being sick, it's a bit of a cluttered mess).  Guess what, I sit here for 1.5 hours, no show.

There is no for sale sign on the lawn, the MLS listing is vague, and lacking pictures.  There is no work or rental contract for us to sign and they keep forgetting to make payment arrangements (like postdated cheques). We have not missed a payment, we have kept the house in good repair (other than a generally cluttered appearance) and we have no dogs now. There is nothing we are doing that gives them any reason to get us to leave. 

However, they want a lot more money for rent which they can't get, they don't want to fix the place up, even to sell it, they book mysterious bookings and don't call to cancel, they don't even bother to put up a for sale sign out front. 

I am beginning to think the selling of the house is a scam as well, and they are just trying to get us to leave so they can get in other tenants who will pay a significantly higher amount. 

Dom is just shrugging it off - there isn't anything they can do to get us out other than actually selling the house (and we have right of first refusal so we actually have to see the offer - they can't lie and say it was sold!) They are just using some tactics to get us so uncomfortable that we'll leave on our own.

I am ready to pack it in but that's because I hate skeeviness.  I hate feeling like an idiot and I hate feeling like we are bad tenants when we have done everything right. 

Job Interview Rant

I just came back from my first job interview since 2006.  It was frakin ridiculous.

First a brief background.  I know I swore that I'd never go back to QA work but I need to move forward financially and the only way to do that is to go back to the work I know the best.  Living in a world of new possibilities I've actually been looking forward to the work since I don't necessarily have a lot of outside obligations competing with my work load. 

And there are a LOT of jobs looking for people with my skill set and years of experience.

The first job to hear from was a company called ipSmarx.  Even the name sounds gimmicky, I know. They are an independent Voip start up company with offices in NY, DC and a small outfit in Toronto.  They are looking for a QA lead, the list of requirements are a direct match, it looks promising.  They tell me to come in for a test and interview.

I don't usually get asked to do tests, the ones I have done are based on, you know, testing.  Here are some requirements, how would you break it down to test case scenarios.  Or maybe a little SQL test or a bit of code to read.  You know, things a technical QA might need to know.

I figured it would be something like the above and perhaps that was my mistake.

I should have known something was up when I showed up to the office and the person who was meeting me was wearing sweatpants, and she was not in the tech department.  The office itself looked like a fly by night operation, not really an office just a bunch of rooms that sort of resembled an old dentist office, or maybe a cave. 

The whole thing was straight out of Office Space. The test was an online service they purchased from a 3rd party that would guarantee they would get someone who had recently completed the $5000 certification course (also offered by the same vendor).  I was familiar with the concepts but not so much with the terminology they use these days.  But you know when you read the set up for these questions this would have been a gimme for anyone recently out of school or certified in this methodology. 

Apparently I didn't score high enough for any further interview, according to ms. track pants.  By this time I was fed up with the company for wasting my time and said perhaps some good feedback would be to let your interviewees know what the test is about. Sorry, she says, I don't know anything about testing or IT.  I said had I known it was on methodology and not practise I could have spent the last three days reading Wikipedia and been better prepared, as it stands now you will get someone fresh out of school instead of someone with 10 years experience in actual testing. 

This job was for a test lead, not a management position, so any knowledge of system development is good but not essential. 

I'm pretty pissed off right now for several reasons - one is that I could have studied for the stupid test if I had any idea what it was about, two that I wasted my whole day on a company that has bad hiring practises.  Also that I haven't gotten any other responses for interviews yet so I don't know if it's me or them or if there is a market out there for my skills or what.

Whatever, this company is going to get what they are looking for - someone who is certification heavy but ineffective in real testing. I've seen it many times.  Also, I know now how they would treat their IT staff - QA and programmers = no support and blame them when everything goes south.  i don't care to work in that sort of environment. 

best spam ever!

I got 9 copies of this email in my inbox this morning.  It had the Workopolis banner to make it look legitimate, but my favourite line is "we are a perfectly legal legit company" and that they are really interested in opening an office in "the Canada"

Do people really fall for this claptrap?

We Have A Part Time Job For You!

ECIT GROUP LTD - "Don’t leave your career or selection of candidates to fate."

WHO ARE WE
ECIT GROUP LTD is a team of seasoned top executives in Finance and Investment Operations who have unparalleled track records of success in brokerage operations. We have earned the trust and confidence of business owners in United Kingdom with our expertise, credentials, and commitment to create value.

ECIT GROUP LTD provides investment assistance resources to all business owners willing to invest their capital in order to expand their companies.Our FSA Approved personnel takes care of operations like stock price evaluation, simulations and risk evaluation, in order to provide our clients with the safest way to make investements and expand their businesses.

Since 2006 the our company has grown dramatically , becoming one of the most successfull brokerage firm in the United Kingdom.Due to this growth we have registered requests for investment contracts from the Canada.

Individuality is the key to our success. We treat each client, candidate and employee as an individual with their own individual needs and tailor our service offerings to best fit these needs.

ECIT GROUP LTD is unique in that we are a Consultancy in the true sense. We can advise our candidates and clients through the maze of recruitment issues that they face daily because we have the experience, knowledge and resources to do so.

Our company has reached enormous sales volumes in major European countries. We are currently trying to expand our services over in the USA and Canada. The IRS directly supports the market testing efforts of agencies by providing general guidelines, through the development of Market Testing Toolkits and providing guidance regarding the related agency banking framework. Therefore, ECIT GROUP LTD has been granted a Market Test Authorization from the IRS in January 1st, 2010 and is valid thru January 29th, 2012. This Market Test Authorization allows great flexibility regarding taxes.

ECIT GROUP LTD is currently recruiting Regional Financial Managers in the Canada who will receive payments from our customers in the Canada and redistribute the funds as needed.

-Why do we prefer hiring people instead of opening an office over in the Canada?
-Because it is far cheaper paying a comission of 10% rather than going through all the paper hassle of registering a business in the Canada and opening offices all over the country. Besides, there is no certainty that our company will succeed selling the products in the Canada, that's why it is called a Market Test. Upon, a successful result, we will being opening offices in the United States.

LEGAL Our company is registered with BBB and it's a BBB accredited business. The job we are offering is perfectly legal , legit and all our transactions will be verified by our Financial Department before they are forwarded to our employees for cashout.

JOB DESCRIPTION Agent's work consists in receiving payments from our customers in Canada and making further payments as instructed to a regional affiliate department, depending on the customer's location. Being a part-time job, it should not take more than 2 hours per day. Agent's commission is 10% from each transaction (for instance: you receive $1,000.00, you will keep $100.00 as payment for your service). All further money transfer charges and fees are covered by our company. So you will be responsible just for making proper payments in time. Each transaction will be made only after prior notification by phone call or e-mail. You are not required to: Have any extra knowledge or to be experienced in this business and this occupation can endow additional income to you and your family as it will not require more than few hours per week. If you are interested in our offer, please feel free to ask for the general provisions of the contract. PAYMENT/SALARY The payment system if flexible and easy for everyone.Each Executive Financial Manager will receive a monthly base salary of $2,000, plus a 10% commission from each transaction processed. Requirements: Adults only  Residents of Canada Have a chequing account at ROYAL BANK OF CANADA (RBC) Owners of a computer with e-mail access 2-3 hours free time within the work day For further informations and inquiries about the job offering, please feel free to contact us by e-mail at any time at recruiter@ecitgroup.co.uk HOW TO APPLY Send your resume to : recruiter@ecitgroup.co.uk ( or manually recruiter[at]ecitgroup.co.uk ).

Blogging is hard

I never started a blog to be specific in one topic so I sort of ramble all over the place.  That's too bad because I'll never get a book deal or even a free trip to Walt Disney World that those mommy bloggers get (oh, I'll review the free stuff you send me in a fair and reasoned manner!).  I think I started this way back in 2005 (wow!) just because I got tired of emailing the same updates to my friends and family and thought, I could just do this one time over and everyone would get it. Now we have Facebook for that, so blogging is just a lot more words saying the same things you can say in a short status update.

Now blogging is so specific and widespread that all sorts of people do it for whatever reason, and some friends of mine have started their own blogs that are actually interesting to read.  Well, I think so because it's more of a conversation with that person.  Granted these people are so creative and project driven that they always post pictures and descriptions of their latest accomplishments which is not what I do most of the time. 

I haven't posted since October so what have I been up to ...

Madeline started swim lessons!  She's a Starfish, and a natural water baby who hates wearing a PFD.  Like mother, like daughter.

Spellstorm is coming - February 19 & 20!

I am coaching for Landmark, and working on my own self-expression and leadership qualities. 

We are going to Cuba for August, somehow, for an Amann family get together to celebrate Dom's parents' 50th anniversary and I'll get to meet the UK contingent, finally. 

I am resigned to living in Brampton, in this house with the tacky decorative touches, at least for the next three years.  I'm no suburbia girl, but it fits our needs (i.e. it's cheap) and hopefully we can fulfill our ambitious three year plan.

I had to put Rocky down last week - for behavioural issues.  While he was under control, he was not improving so I was living in a state of limbo just trying to keep him in a state of good behaviour always.  We miss him, but we have been mourning his loss for a long time now.  It's worse this week than last week.

We are starting to prepare for a second baby (no, not pregnant yet!) but our plan is to have the baby this year.  Hopefully we won't run into any issues.

I'm reading Tarot again so if you want a reading I'll be happy to arrange a time. 

I've got a writing project on the go, and once I got the first part complete, I will see about uploading it here.  It's a sci-fi character study for the RPG Travellor.  If only I had time to sit down and write...it's a paying gig, too. 

I'll happily write reviews for free stuff.  Hello?  Anyone?  oh well :P

The cost of doing the right thing

Over the last week or so my psychic energy, or Karma, or status on Santa's good list, has been thoroughly tested. 

Last week I was on a Walmart run and spotted a parking space.  As I was pulling in from the left, I distinctly remember looking at the car on the left and thinking "gawd, that guy has parked weirdly" when I hear a *thump*.  Oh, crap, sure enough that thought was enough to send me wide and I slightly grazed the car next to me.  In the fight between my Ford Explorer and your Hyundai, guess what happens.  I pray that there is no damage, but there is a large ugly scratch along the side of the front.  Of course no damage to my already damaged front end. 

I considered just running, or ignoring it, but felt I had to do the right thing and left a note.  I did the Walmart thing and noticed that the car was still there, so I could remove the note and pull away- but I didn't.  Then it poured rain and I prayed once again that the water made the ink run and my number illegible.  And I didn't hear from the person almost all day so I thought I had done the right thing AND got away with it, but no luck - she called and today I handed over about $300 for repairs.  But she was a very nice woman and said that I deserved some nice return from the Cosmos just for doing the right thing.  I know that I did do what was right, but I don't feel right at the moment.  I just feel stupid and broke. 

Then in another try to do good  situation - after coming to the conclusion that our dogs are making our life unmanageable we thought we could surrender them to a no kill shelter, since no one is willing to take them on. 

May I add that everyone is ready to tell us how we need to get rid of them but not one person has come up with any ideas or solutions or offers to help.  This is why I don't want to talk about it anymore with anyone unless they have something constructive to give me.  If you just want to remind me that "it may not be safe for Madeline" you can go fuck yourself.  Seriously.  I'm so freaking sick of hearing the lecture, like I don't already know what the situation is, and if you don't know what to say it's best not to say anything at all.

In contact with several shelters only to be told that they do not take in dogs, unless we plan to kill them.  I'm sorry but I can't make that decision, it's disgusting.  However, should we open our door and let them run away to be picked up by animal control, they would be obliged to keep them for ever. 

So since I feel obliged to do right by my dogs and not kill them or abandon them by the side of the road so that they might get picked up by animal control, hit by a car, or worse, we'll have to find some new solutions to work with them to get them to a place where we might be able to manage them, or just find a way to live around it.

Why does being a good citizen of the universe have to be so expensive and unfulfilling?

back to it!

Funny - my last post was May 4th complaining that I was still waiting for things to happen.  Well, maybe it was the magic of the blogosphere, whatever that magical entity may be, and the very next day my darling daughter Madeline was born.  That was 5 months ago today! 

And then I got busy.  Too busy to write - moving and GenCon and dogs and babies and other stressful stuff just filled up my life.  In fact, I didn't really want to write about a lot of stuff because it was (and still is) painful to deal with.  I'm learning that it's okay just to tell people "you know what, I don't want to talk about it" and "Please don't mention anything about that subject".  I've got to use that more often.

Despite the fact that recent events have given me a migraine tonight, I do have some good things to report - I've lost 10 pounds!  Yay! My baby sleeps through the night! (well, many nights).  I'm going to start coaching SELP in December!  My birthday is next week!

I really need to start posting topical stuff instead of these random posts.  Maybe next time I'll have something to talk about.  Right now my eyeballs feel like they are going to fall back into my head.  Ick.

Still waiting!

Well, I know for sure this baby is a taurus and born in the year of the Ox. So she'll be steadfast, determined, slow and sure, but also loyal and healthy and hale.  I'm year of the dog and Dom is year of the ox, so she won't be wilful and stubborn, but she will do everything on her own terms and in her own time.

But I can see myself getting frustrated with her and using this against her in the years to come !  it's a mother thing.  "This is just like when I was pregnant with you and you kept giving us signs you were ready but you took weeks to come"

I think I'd be less frustrated if there were no signs and labour just started.  So far i've had flu symptoms, that disappeared as quickly as they came on, I've had false labour for a full day only to be sent home, I've been told that I was 2-3 cm dilated at my Dr's appt and could go any day, I lost my mucous plug (meaning the cervix continues to widen) and another full day of more intense and more frequent contractions.  This time we did not bother to go to the hospital.  They say that you'll know when it's "real" labour.  So I'll wait for that.  Today all is quiet. 

This crazy week and crazier weeks to come.

So many things have been happening in the last week or so that it's been hard to keep up the story with everyone.  So, I"ll just write it out as best as I can and hopefully people can follow along. 

First, our living situation.  As most of you know through my facebook updates we've been having some issues with our current situation.  The most shocking thing is that we haven't had drinkable water since Feb 10, and it may not have been drinkable before that - we don't think the water has been tested ever since we moved in - we just assumed it was ok. 

For those that are unfamiliar, we rent a house on a farm, and water is from a well. 

In Feb we had a spring thaw and as usually happens, the snow melts off the horse pasture and lies dormant at the bottom of our property.  A stagnant pool of a winter's worth of manure and whatever else, lying on top of where our well is located.  Soon the water started running a nice brown colour, and smelling like horse poop.  We stopped drinking it, thinking it would clear up, not knowing much about how a well works.   Our landlord told us to just run the taps for an hour or so and that would clear it up - but no such luck.  We waited some time for it to be fixed and they eventually brought the well guys out, who said that the ground water had seeped into the pipes and was being pumped into our system.  They apparently fixed something.  We didn't get much information from anyone, so we had the water tested ourselves.  It came back with 6 types of e.coli. At the same time I had been suffering from a lingering urinary tract infection that wasn't going away, even with treatment.  I was told by the doctors and public health that they couldn't make a correlation, although they found e.coli in my urine.  Anyways, no action on the well for a while, no disinfection etc, so we decided to take another test because no one else was doing it.  At public health I asked what we should do if our well was contaminated and we don't own it.  They took matters in their own hand, came out to inspect and test the water and ended up contacted the owner and landlord and filling out an order of non-compliance.  Luckily for us, we have been using bottled water since Feb, and we have a dishwasher so our dishes are sterilized, otherwise we should have been boiling water for dishes this whole time.  We can shower, although the garbage that was in the well has killed the hot water filter and our hot water smells like sulpher.  Ugh.  It's a bit better now, but in the beginning I was afraid we smelled bad even if we had a shower. 

Finally we were told they were going to dig a new well.  They started a few weeks ago, then we had a snowstorm and the workmen disappareared for a few weeks. They were back on Monday, said they'd be back on Tuesday to do the disinfection and then it would still be 3 clean water tests after that before the water would be potable.  For the time between now and Feb, we've been coping as adults but children have a different set of rules.  And with this baby due any day now, we are not looking forward to the extraneous work of making sure no water comes in contact with the baby.

Just the fact that the owner/landlord has not provided us with the essential utility since February should be enough for anyone to decide to move, but we have more issues. 

The landlord's dogs run as a pack and have beat up our dogs on numerous occasions.  We've been working hard to keep our dogs close to home, but they rush onto our property and attack as a group. Both dogs have suffered puncture wounds.  We have been told several times that somehow it's our dogs that are the problem.  On one occasion, Dom was on the porch when three dogs ganged up on Trixie.  No one was able to call them off so he took a shovel and gave them a whack.  Not a vicious whack; they certainly didn't limp off yowling piteously like our dogs do whenever her dogs come around our house. Well, she has the nerve to call Dom and blame him for her dogs behaviour, that some how he has traumatized them, that Trixie has turned them into monsters and that no one else thinks her dogs are a menace.  Meanwhile, both the other tenants have told us they do not let their dogs out unsupervised because they feel her dogs will rip them apart. I also chatted with a woman last summer who asked if I owned those dogs as she was running by earlier with her group and the dogs chased them along the road - one of the members of her group called animal control as they felt threatened.  She wanted to warn the owner, but I assured her it was not us.   Any visitor to our house has reported that the dogs chase their cars down the driveway, at times running into their car and not disappearing once they park outside our house - continuing to bark and wait for them to exit their car.   I cannot walk with my dogs, on leash, to the end of our driveway without them being in absolute fear and without these dogs harrassing both me and the dogs.  My friends will not bring their dogs by to visit.  Last week, Dom reported to the landlord that her dogs were chasing a bicyclist on the road.  So, obviously our dogs have brought this out in her dogs.  Dom is just pissed off that she is being so unreasonable, demanding that we curb our dogs behaviour, but never doing the same for hers.  However, lately she has been calling them back when they rush our dogs - it's just so obvious.

But even that isn't the end of the saga! In September, Dom got a great job as a software developer, excellent pay and benefits and he was able to continue his own company on the sideline.  We've finally had some stable income, however it is being swallowed up quickly with a hefty commute. We live in Aurora, which is a North east suburb of Toronto and he works in Mississauga.  3 hours of his day is spent on the road.  And, we figure, about $200 a month in costs. 

Plus, the utilities here are outrageous.  Rural properties get dinged with a hefty delivery charge of about $100, so no matter how much energy saving we do, our bills are $150 to $200 a month.  And that does not include heating which is oil and a minimum $500 delivery which we can stretch to maybe 6 weeks if its not too cold. 

Finally we decided that we have to give up the country living dream and start a financial plan for our future.  We need less commuting time, less rent, less utilities and less hassle.   I wanted to push for September move since I'm having a baby any day now and can't imagine what it will be like to move.  But a few weeks ago Dom said we need to stop wishing and start working.  We set a tentative move date of July 1st to give us something concrete to work on and started looking up places that are in a 20Km radius of his work, which could be mississauga or brampton or malton or west etobicoke. 

Miss & etobicoke were really expensive.  Our goal was to chop a few hundred $$ of the cost of our current rent.  We lined up about 5 properties last week. The first one was in Miss. but a complete shithole.  No kidding.  It was in a nice neighbourhood, but when we drove up to the semi-detached house the neighbour had plastered signs all over his driveway - absolutely no trespassing and warning, camera surveillance.  Nice welcome!  Was the neighbour just racist against brown people (who we assumed lived in the house before) or was the landlord just willing to rent to any crap tenant.  A quick look inside assured us that the landlord was looking for anyone to fill the space.  Although it was cleaned out, the place was dirty, and the walkout to the backyard was covered up in plywood, I guess their quick fix way of creating two living spaces out of one.  A check of the backyard confirmed that the place was a pigsty, garbage, broken furniture and other crap strewn everywhere. Our only access to the backyard was to go out the front and around, which certainly does not secure our dogs, something that we have learned must be done.  And we didn't want a downstairs tenant.  Not a good start to house hunting. 

We saw four more houses.  One in Brampton, close to Sheraton College.  New house, huge master bedroom, huge backyard.  decent everything else, except downstairs tenants with a shared laundry and the landlord living next door.  No thanks!   Another house in Malton - huge corner lot but a creepy area and a creepier house.  It was bought up as a power of sale.  I hated it.   Third house in Bramalea, "C" section.  semi-detached, split level, decent backyard all fenced in.  Very nice area.  Three bedrooms, 2 full bathrooms and a huge semi-finished basement.  We both liked it and told the real estate agent we liked it.  She said she'd send us a rental application and would run credit checks. I got the vibe that we'd be turned down after the credit check, but Dom said wait and see.   The fourth place I really liked, although Dom was less impressed.  In the"h" section of bramalea, small fenced in backyard with a brand new front porch, a shady awning and large shed in the back.  Three smallish bedrooms upstairs, a full bath, it's a pretty small house but a great finished basement, working fireplace, built in shelves and wood panelling, very 70's but great for a gaming room!  Plus a laundry room and a half bathroom downstairs.  We had a long chat with the real estate agent about credit checks and stuff and Trinidad and other things.  The only issue was that they were looking for a June 1st tenant and we initially balked at that. 

We decided to try for both the bramalea houses, but the last house would not move on the earlier move in date.  The other house seemed to be willing to negotiate.  I notified her that our credit report would come back with issues, but that we had a willing co-signer.  She ran our credit anyway and said it was bad but that the owner would be ok with a co-signer.  We ran my dad through her credit check. Finally she said it was ours and approved and we would need the full first & last checks at the signing.  Would that be a problem?  I said it wasn't a financial problem, but that it didn't seem right. Sure enough, it's illegal to ask for more than one month's rent before the date of the lease, which was to be July 1st.  Dom called her on it, and she got all haughty and said it's how she's always done business.  He sent her the tenancy act and said that we are willing to do this as long as she acknowledges that this is outside of the law. Considering what we have to put up with at this current place we did not want to be taken advantage of, especially because we are perceived as a bad risk although there is no reason to suspect or accuse us of missing rent payments.  (we did request our rent receipts from our current landlord who, of course, did not comply)

The next morning she called me and curtly told me that the owner had changed his mind and decided he didn't want to take the risk that we would not pay our rent, and that he didn't want to have to chase our co-signer for the rent whenever we missed it.  Which is ridiculous, of course.  We know it was because we questioned their integrity. 

So, disappointed, I asked Dom if he could maybe see if the other property was stil available and we'd take it and do the overlap - at least if we have to pay first & last up front, we can get possession right away, as is our legal entitlement.  Sure enough there was another potential tenant, but the real estate agent preferred us, dismissing our credit issues as just being one of those things that happens when you are trying to put your life back together.  Of course, we did back it up with a co-signer because it helps and late last night we found out that the owner was happy with our offer and it looks like we just have to sign the lease and its ours. 

Of course, nothing is guaranteed! 

In the meantime we were up late last night trying to figure out how the hell we are going to move in such a short time.  Oh, we'll be asking for help!

dating advice

For some reason I was thinking about lessons learned while I was dating. 

Most advice is crap.  Don't read books about dating, the only way to actual learn is to date frequently.  It may not seem like fun at the time, but being able to recount your dates from hell will keep you popular at parties for years afterward.

Online dating works. It can also be full of crap.  But you can say the same thing about meeting in bars, joining a club, being set up by friends etc.  Just because it didn't work the first time, does not mean it is a dead end.

You're probably just doing it wrong. You won't know how to do it right unless you use trial and error.

Here's my best advice for online dating - and I've been doing it since 1998 and met my husband online, too:

If you don't exchange numbers within 2 weeks of chatting, move on.  It's just not worth that much effort.  No one is like their online persona.  They are not better or worse, just different.  If you can't arrange a phone call and coffee date within 2 weeks, then you're either leading them on, or they are leading you on.  There are plenty of fish out there, so NEXT.

Another great piece of advice, once you meet a real nice guy (or girl).  The dating rule of numbers.

NEVER make major plans (like a vacation) for any time in the future that is more than half the time you have actually dated.  

For example.  You have been dating for 2 months.  You should not make any plans that are further away than 1 month.   Do not book that exotic vacation next winter when you just met 3 months ago (even if it has been a great 3 months...go away for a weekend next month instead...)  Do not buy that extra ticket for the gala event at Christmas on Thanksgiving weekend when you just met last week.

If you are still together next Thanksgiving, then by all means, go for it.

Chances are you'll be disappointed.  Which brings me to my next point:

If you think you are the exception to the rule, you most likely are not.  If someone says to you "don't you think you are rushing things" if your first reaction is "maybe others would be rushing things, but I know in my heart that this is the ONE".  then you are probably mistaken.

You are probably going to break the timing rule at some point.  In fact you will go against every sane piece of advice that is given to you because you feel that your situation is unique.  Your situation is not unique; you're just living in a fantasy world like every other new dating couple.

Of course, if someone outside the relationship is stuck holding the bag because you broke the rule of dating dates, then you are really stupid.  If you paid for the entire vacation because he'll pay you next month - again, stupid.  But if you can stand a week of vacation awkwardness, or he breaks down and sells his ticket to your friend, or you just take your best friend to that fancy ball instead, then no real harm done.

I'm sure I have other dating advice but I'll save it for later.

wow, people are rude!

So, yesterday I took the GO bus downtown. 

But before I tell that story, here is some extraneous background...

I'm 31.5 weeks pregnant, that's just past the 8 month mark.  In the last 2 weeks I finally look pregnant and not just fat.  It was frustrating for a while walking into a baby store or maternity clothing outlet and being asked if I was looking for a friend, or if I was there for my first time. At one store I was told to try on a fake 'belly' so I could see where I'd be in 4 months - I'd hope that at 7 months I wouldn't be pregnant in 4 months!  Last week I was happy when the woman at Harvey's started chatting with me about 'when I was due' and other baby chat.

Bottom line:  I look pregnant. 

Ok, back to the GO bus. 

When it pulled into the stop and I got on, all the window seats were taken. As usual I walked to the back of the bus because sometimes there is an extra seat, but there wasn't so I sat down.  The woman behind me, clearly frustrated, yelled out "I hope that all your backs are feeling good, since none of you bothered to offer your seat to the pregnant woman".  I was appreciative, although it just did not occur to me to sit at the front of the bus.  Habit, i guess.  But in hindsight I realized that not one person so much as scoot over to give me extra room on the way back. 

The rude part was that some other woman called out "Thanks for the Lecture!"   That was absolutely uncalled for. 

The original woman was incensed, I could tell because she logged into facebook on her phone and posted a status update! 

I didn't think much about it, since I did get a seat and I wasn't even looking to sit up near the front.  Also, there were seats up front that I did not take and no one was really obligated to give up their seat. Hey, if I was one of those non-pregnant folks it would not have occurred to me to move either.  I'd feel a bit guilty if another person pointed it out to me, but I would NEVER talk back to someone pointing out an etiquette faux pas...

Later that day, I had to take the TTC at rush hour.  I got on and all seats were taken.  This time not one person offered their seat for me.   And I was pretty tired and sore at this point as it had been a long day.  I tried looking at people but they avoided me.  This was just outright rude.  I considered that I COULD say something and ask someone to give me a seat, but I left it alone, since I knew in two stops they'd all get off and I'd have a seat for the rest of the ride.

I thought about what it means that pregnant women are no longer seen as needing to sit down.   I think that society has been successful in promoting the idea that pregnancy is not a disease or a disability, that pregnancy should not be hidden or that pregnancy does not equal invalid.  I also blame the expensive maternity shops and fitness obsessed culture that leads most people to believe that pregnant women can bounce up and down in their lululemon attired yoga class or run marathons in their 7 months. There's even a competitive streak in some pregnant woman who claim they were able to do x until they were x months along. 

Yeah, that's great for some woman.  And if you've had that sort of pregnancy, or have never been pregnant or have only met women like that then maybe you might start to believe that the only discomfort a pregnant woman might feel is being fatter than usual. 

As the majority of pregnant women might tell you that' s not true.  Some of us are trying to take it easy for the safety of the baby  - up until 2 weeks ago I was paranoid that any bump, fall, slip or elbow would cause distress to me or an early delivery for the baby.  When you are standing you are unable to protect your belly and people don't look where they are going.  Also, there is a fear of slipping and falling.  My sleep is not so good at time and I might not have slept at all last night and I'm barely awake.  I'd like to sit, please.  Not to mention the pressure on my lower back and the stretching of my lower abdomen muscles, hips and tendons that are stretching and loosening up.  Morning sickness might be over, but I can still feel woozy and naseaus from a lot of reasons.  Heartburn is painful, gas like you've never experienced before, when i get hungry it overtakes me immediately and I can't think of anything but eating and feeling rather faint.  My balance is off, so keeping me standing in a swaying and moving subway car is just asking for a fall. 

That's just me, but I think other pregnant women feel the same, if not worse. 

If you are pregnant and you feel GREAT and healthy and fit, then you should do the rest of us a favour and tone it down.  Apparently you are doing the rest of us a great disfavour by being so independent and wanting to be treated like normal.  Refuse a seat graciously when offered, or just take it to teach others a lesson.